They're gone {wiping tears}

Well, this is my 100th post. It's not what you might expect. I've seen others with great plans & post to celebrate - I am not that on top of things. I'm sorry if you expected more :-D....

Today is actually an incredibly hard day for me. They are gone. Not enough sleep, too many emotions, and long-term goodbyes. This group of cousins are once again separated - these five have lived together for the last three months. This group was separated in Alaska on November 1, 2009, and reunited in Alaska on November 7, 2011.

They all wanted me to take a picture the same as the last time.

And here they are showing their personalities :-D! (my two are the far right)

This little sweetie wasn't part of the last goodbye, and she wasn't here late Monday night when I took the updated photos. But this is her enjoying the snowmachine ride with Uncle Zach at -20* on the eve of Christmas Eve. The other five were on sleds being towed behind. She loves her Uncle Zach, her name for him is "Ach!"

Feelings...

We have major family goodbyes looming. We have already gone from 10 down to 8. We only have three days of our three months left; then there will be just three of us.

We have known this day was coming, but it's still feeling really, really big and ugly on the horizon. So, to avoid what is coming in the near future my mind is focusing on all the projects I'm looking forward to accomplishing.

So, what am I looking forward to? LOTS of house projects that's what! I'm looking forward to organizing my "office" {an area of my living room}; finishing up my living room; finishing up my "sewing room" {corner of my bedroom}; and my "entry" {the entrance into the garage and up the stairs}; hoping to find/build a new kitchen table; and multiple other Pinterest ideas that I want to create. {{{and getting blogging on a schedule and get my business going :-D!}}}

Here is proof God does care about "little, insignificant" things, He provided a hearts desire from some eye candy :-D:

I have pinned some flowers growing out of tool boxes and really wanted some tool boxes so I could plant flowers in them... My dad cleaned out his garage so Vince and I could use it for a woodshop - and look what he emptied and was going to get rid of! I'm super excited!!! :-D

It's Life?...

It's a good thing I never get around to making New Year's Resolutions. So far this year has started off a lot more crazy than last year! To me, life is really good when I have plans made, written those plans in my calendar, and other extra spontaneous things fit in around nice and neat and for the most part everything gets done.

I like plans. I like things to have a place. Plans make activities have a place.

There is always the balance needed of being able to adjust to plan changes, but in my mind that should be the exception - not the rule. Now, last year things were very strange on many levels, some I've written about here, some I haven't. I saw that even without a plan, or without practical purpose in a plan, life can be good and fun. When I thought about it very much, I would have been inclined to pat myself on the back, I'd say I did pretty well adjusting :-).... Regardless, of my "lack of ability" to say things were normal, last year God blessed us with an amazing year! BUT, I realize now I kept thinking "next year it'll be different, we'll start out more normal and be able to take deep breathes".

Not sure I was really adapting. I think now I might have just been going through the motions. The New Year has started and my deep breathes have come yet :-). Wow! Was I ever wrong in thinking things would be "back to normal"! I am reassured in knowing God is in control, but I'm already a bit weary and feel a bit dizzy with all the year has brought on. Are we really only 16 days in?!

{This was New Year's Eve and me trying to take pictures at -20*; I have my settings wrong but it was so dark and cold I couldn't see to change. When my brother helped me out I did get some better pictures, but by then I actually couldn't feel my fingers. :-) I feel like this picture is an adequate visual of me...everything is there, but you can't tell what belongs where - it's all jumbled, BIG time.}

I really wish I had wonderful pictures ready to post, but I don't. In fact right now I have a tangled mess of nearly 20K photos between my iMac, MacBook Pro, and two different external hard drives. I think all 20K are on all four devices, but they're organized differently on each so I'm not completely sure. To top it off the iMac won't work and I'm so weary of calling Apple to have them walk me through fixing it over-n-over-n-over again. Seriously, I've had the machine for 13 months now and I've called them 25+ times for help. Half those calls were over 2 hours, and at least a fourth were 4 or more hours! My brain refuses to even calculate how many hours of my life has been spent on the phone with them. Since I've had it, I think I've comfortably used the machine twice for a couple hours before it got stuck and stayed messed up until I call....... anyway, I've digressed to whining so I'm going to stop now. :-)

Life is Good.

I hope all of you had a Merry Christmas. This was a year of adjustment for our family; we are now down by 5. This was our "first" Christmas of new traditions without the Zach Keller's, we've been mentally working on this coming for some time now. Anyway, the last several year's we have had many "last" Christmas' with them; this is supposedly the beginning of them being gone. At least that is the plan as of now - we have a whole year for things to change :). We (mom, dad, kids & I) were blessed and did just get to go spend 5 days in San Diego and then 5 days with Zach & Jane.

For Christmas this year we got to have my cousins, Jeremy & Kate, out on the night of 23rd. They brought the movie Up for the kids, we watched it until late. Then we all slept late on Christmas Eve morning, hung out and they headed back to Anchorage to spend time with her family. Christmas Eve night we had Christmas with Matt & Samantha - again, we stayed up too late and enjoyed every moment of it. We again had the privilege of sleeping in, Christine was the last person to get up, we actually woke her up at 9AM...cause Bumma couldn't wait for Christmas morning any longer :)!

Morning after Christmas around here this year looked like this...

Mom wearing this - all at once: stripes, polka dots, vest, wearing an interesting color combo (pink, orange, red) = a smiling, happy Bumma

A fortunate 9 yr old girls dream hot drink made for her, by her Bumma this morning. This drink is Trader Joe's Sipping Cocoa made with boiled milk, topped with Peppermint Whip Cream, a little cocoa powder, and sprinkles.

The makings for a perfect day. Hot drinks and couch time, no plans, agenda's or preparing for any plans or agenda's. Ahhh.... I've missed this kind of day. :)

I will work on a post of pictures from our trip - no promises though :).

Time has changed

We have started "the time". The time we've known was coming for several years, even in denial we knew it would eventually come, when Zach & Jane don't live here anymore. The kids won't ever be little here at Bumma & Bumpa's house anymore. Yes, this has caused many a tear at random times for all of us. This hurts, but like I keep reminding myself...I'm glad it hurts, because if it didn't it would mean our family wasn't as close as it is. .... but it hurts {wiping tears}.

Look at those stair steps! What will it look like when they're all in Alaska again at the same time? Will these 3 goofy girls dress up in princess dresses to have a tea party "just because"? Will there be an even number of boys & girls when they see each other again, or is it possible the boys will outnumber the girls? These are the thoughts that are hard.

We do get to see them in just under a month. I do not look forward to saying goodbye again, that one will be 'for good'. Why do we think this way even though we have not been promised tomorrow? The only part that will make it bearable is we'll be the ones getting on the plane to return home, and the goodbye won't be in Alaska. Silly, I know - but oh, how we miss them and we knew (as much as we can know) when they left we would see them in 6 weeks AND they haven't even left the United States!

Life has been very busy...

It's already been 6 weeks since I last updated. I feel as though it was 'just yesterday' and at the same time there has been so much life crammed into the last 6 weeks I think "really, it's only been 6 weeks?" In the last 6 weeks, we've had VBS, one slow'ish week, then attended 2 bridal showers, 3 weddings, I worked full-time for 2.5 wks, went to Victory for 4.5 days for our youth group trip, and had 16 family members & 2 friends using our home as 'home base' while here visiting in the state, we also had the rehearsal dinner here (44 people) for my cousin's wedding.

So this update is an attempt at a 'shortened' pictorial version of this anti-socialite's life :) - God stretched me to the point I feel like a rubber band that has stayed stretched out, no more 'bouncing back' to my original shape. So, if you plan to read all the way through, get comfy - consider this is your warning as this post is loooooong. It is once again day by day for my sake when I'm trying to journal pictures later...or just when I try to remember why I am so very tired.

Memorial Day -
Christine & I went to join the Brown's & Mueller's at Carter Park
for a fun evening of play & visiting.

Painting - dad & Vince were in Halibut Cove...mom, Christine & I painted the entry way, living room, hall, bathroom, 1 kitchen wall & all ceilings, including the kitchen in preparation of all the family coming. The bathroom wall (left side) is a fun color, depending on the lighting it is either grey'ish, green'ish or brown'ish. This is also the color in the hallway & up the stairs.

Plants on the deck are coming along. We planted a garden again this year, but we also wanted to keep some cabbage & lettuce (last year the moose got them). I told Vince he could make a container garden on our deck as long as he came up with an interesting container. He came up with the idea of tires - I love it! It seems the plants do too, we've decided the tires heat up & helps the plants grow well.

June 10th & 15th I went for training for filling in full time.
June 13th - 2pm was a bridal shower in Anchorage & at 7pm a wedding in Wasilla.
June 16th-July 2nd I worked full time. A very different life for the kids & I. My mom watched the kids for me. Mom, dad & the kids actually went to the Cove June 20-26th.
June 20th-26th I was home 100% alone & working all day. I haven't lived that lifestyle since 1995! Life was VERY strange. They left Sat after the annual meeting at church - the rest of Sat & all day Sunday was the strangest. It was good for me. It was just long enough that I got past the weirdness of it & was happy when they came home. :) Mom & the kids came home on the 26th.
June 27th was another friends wedding.
June 28th -mom, the kids & I went to Anchorage to go shopping for me to get things for going to camp & looking for clothes for Jeremy & Kate's wedding.
June 29th - after work we went into Anchorage again for more shopping....ugghhhh, I really dislike shopping! We got home at 11:30pm!!!!
June 30th - after work I went to Anchorage to pick up Nate & Christina and their 5 kiddos. We went to eat with Jeremy & Kate in Anchorage. We got home 9:30pm & then visited for a couple hours. Oh yeah & I had to get a Creative Memory order in...
July 1st - Nate & Christina headed to the Cove. I went to work, then to a meeting for camp, then shopping to get the craft supplies for camp - home about 10:30pm.
July 2nd - went to work for half a day, went home & fell asleep sitting straight up on the swing on the deck for over an hour! Then 7'ish we headed to Anchorage again to take the truck to Jeremy's apt for Uncle Dave & Aunt Sharon the next day. Home about 11pm.
July 3rd - needed to be at church by 12:30...at 12:15 in the Wal-mart parking lot, while sitting in my mom's car, someone hit the car. No dents, just scratches - but still caused an adrenaline rush!
July 4th was so different this year. This year I was at camp with other leaders & 46 students. Last year was the parade in a campaign year. Mom & my kids were home, they went to the parade & the Hughes' picnic. Jon & Kathy got in & all headed to Homer, there were 24 people at the Cove!

Our view when walking down the hill to eat or for meetings at Spruce Lodge.

pretty flowers along the way - of course. Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dust, cottonwood, and fireweed & Victory had an exceeding abundance of all 3! By day three I was pretty miserable, but camp meetings were so very good. It was such a blessing to see so many kids hear & take to heart what was being said, especially when so many made the decision to make their faith their own! Wow-it really was amazing!

Over looking the Matanuska River, just past the Victory turn off.

July 6th - late night all but dad made it to mom & dad's in Wasilla. Nate & Christina went to stay in the 5th wheel up at Zach & Jane's, the rest were here at our house. Dad stayed to clean up & then flew into Anchorage Tues afternoon. I left Victory Bible Camp at 12:30am to drive home to be there for first thing on Wed.
July 7th- I climbed into bed at 2:10am and was up just a few short hours later. After spending hours working on getting the internet to work...We four mom's took the 13 kids to Matanuska River Park - it was so hot! We ended up going back to mom & dad's to give them popsicles & let them play in the water. Josiah came in at midnight that night.
July 8th -

FAMILY

Dad & Aunt Sharon

My girl cousins & I.
Gabby (left) is the youngest grandchild & only other girl on my dad's side. Christina (pink) is married to Nate & has 5 sweeties. Kathy (right) is married to Jon & has 3 sweeties.

The 13 grandchildren of Dad & Aunt Sharon.
We don't take it lightly and know we are so amazingly blessed to all love each other & get along so well. It is a heritage my grandparents started & prayed over. We just spent close to 2 weeks totally immeshed, all 13 kids most everyday all day. Yet, it still hurt to have them leave. Even though we went to bed way too late every night (even kids up too late every night) and the days were full days. Again I say, I'm so thankful the goodbye hurts because it means we care. If we didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.

July 9th (day) -

Uncle Dave (Aunt Sharon's husband) filled Vince's love tank to overflowing. Uncle Dave loves to be in the kitchen cooking & so does Vince. He actually chose to stay home when we all went to hike Hatcher's Pass so he could cook with Uncle Dave for the rehersal dinner.

A small portion of our crew starting the hike.
It took 5 vehicles to get us all up to Indepence Mine! Of course I have many pictures of flowers. They were different than the ones going up to Summit Lake. :)

Christine & I had to head down the mountain earlier than everyone else. The allergies were getting to be too much & I had to get to Anchorage to get paper for the wedding programs and back home for the rehersal dinner at 6pm.

July 9th (evening) - the rehersal dinner was at our house. How strange to have people from both of my hometowns at our house here. It was 'mentally trippy' :).

If I counted right we had 44 people here that evening.

At 12:30 Friday morning the 3 oldest girls had a sleepover in my bed.

July 10th -

The beautiful bride working on the bridesmaids' bouquets.

Buckets of flowers!

By 1:30pm the centerpieces, bouquets, boutiners & food were as ready as they could be. So we went separate directions until 4, when we were to meet for manicure/pedicures. I went to Jo-Ann's & Michael's with mom & Aunt Sharon. We needed ribbon for the programs & something for the flower girls to carry.

I got my first pedicure. I figured it would be a fun memory for a first. I even got a design, one of the other girls got it & I liked it - so I copied her.

July 11th - mom & dad's 39th wedding anniversary and the wedding day we've all been waiting for. I was at the UPS store by 9 to get the programs copied, then to get Vince's hair cut & to Fred Meyer for me to try last ditch effort to find shoes & I did! We were home by 10:30'ish to get ready & leave for Anchorage by 12'ish. I was able to catch Aunt Sharon before she left & she took the programs to fold while Gabby was getting her hair done & I wore a sweater so I didn't fix my dress. We were at Chapel by the Sea getting all last minute stuff done by 1:20pm.

The way adorable flower girls - all 8 of them!
On the right are the 3 oldest girls - within a year or so. The younger ones rotate by family with some a couple months apart & a few being only a week apart.

The table in the backyard during the rehersal dinner was Jeremy's table. Kate came back to the house to get something she forgot & saw them burning it after the dinner (it broke when trying to move it), she was sad & mentioned she'd really liked the legs. Vince snagged a leg & made it into a hanging rack - sanding it down & putting hooks on it. He gave it to her at the reception - she recognized it immediately & loved it. He was so pleased!

Mom & Dad with the little car. Dad & Vince brought the little car into Anchorage. Dad chauffered Jeremy & Kate away from the wedding in it.

July 12th - church, gathered for lunch & then all gathered up at Zach & Janes for a hot dog roast - but first Christine & I went to church for the camp wrap up (a crowd of 80+!). Fourteen of our family friends also joined us. Jon & Kathy left late that night.
July 13th - Nate & Christina left late-afternoon (flew out at 5:30pm). Unfortunately Christina got sick & ended up in bed 'til the moment of leaving. I took them into Anchorage, made a couple stops to return stuff not used for the wedding & then home for a movie with mom, kids & Gabby. Uncle Dave & Aunt Sharon went to a friends for dinner with Josiah, who left late evening.
July 14th - Uncle Dave, Aunt Sharon & Gabby had to be packed & ready to go. We drove up to Sheep Mtn for a bbq with Matt & Samantha, Nick & Beth (WI friends) also joined us.

While at Sheep Mtn, Matt took Gabby & CJ to fly over Matanuska Glacier. They came back, landed & ate, then we left. We were there just over an hour. Then headed back to drop off bbq stuff & pick up the fish and luggage to take them to Anchorage to fly out at 9pm.

This brings us to today, July 15th...It was the first morning I didn't have to be up by 6:30/7am & out of the house by 8/9am...I slept until 10:20 & Christine until 11! Mom left to go for a campout with friends down in Ninilchik and Vince went to Coke's for R's birthday - so it's just CJ & I. How weird is that?! Today, I got to actually stop & look at my flowers on my deck & how they're doing. Guess what - remember my hibiscus I couldn't get to hang onto its buds & bloom? I put it on the deck a month or more ago, I thought it was dead, I just didn't get around to getting it to the garbage & I've basically ignored it. Yesterday (or the day before) I noticed a bud & today it had bloomed! It had all turned yellow & looked very dead. I'm glad I never got around to pitching it. Also, my pots that looked so pathetic have filled out nicely. For some reason though, my Viola's that should only get to 6" are all 12-18" high....who knows. I'm just thankful they are all still alive & I can slow down, breathe & enjoy them now.

I must say I've learned so much in the last year & the last 6-7 wks cemented it. I feel as though this picture from last week up at Hatcher's Pass very aptly describes my life right now. Beautiful, with bends & curves I can't see around - but it is still good. All essentials there, just not straight, practical, functional - the way I tend to think is best. My trust is growing thru all this. For an anti-socialite who is used to requiring a couple days to recover from one crowd to see how God does give strength to make it thru multiple crowds in a week or crowds day in & day out for weeks on end... I'm tired but content. God has provided above & beyond, exceedingly & abundantly above all I could ask or think. I've been too tired to ask, but He knew what I needed even when I didn't get it requested.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for knowing me - who I am in Christ.
Knowing what I need, when I need it & how much.