Book Break - Captivating #8

Grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and let's get ready to be encouraged.

As I've stated before, my hope is you will be curious and intrigued to the point of checking this book out (in its entirety) for yourself.   {Please note: these are all direct quotes from the book, Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge.}

~~~

Captivating

Chapter 8 – Beauty to Unveil

*      (pg 128) The essence of a man is Strength.  A man is meant to be the incarnation – our experience in human form – of our Warrior God.

*      (pg 129)  To experience the strength of a man is to have him speak on our behalf.

*      For when men abuse with words, we are pierced.  Their strength has wounded us.  When they are silent, we are starved.  They have offered no strength; they have abandoned us.  But when they speak with us, hear us, offer their words to us and on our behalf, something in our hearts is able to rest.

*      We long for the protection masculine strength offers.  To have them shield us from physical harm, yes.  But also to have them shield us from emotional harm and spiritual attack.  To intercede for us in a relationship which has become hurtful.

*      As women we long for someone strong to stand between us and the vicious assaults of our Enemy.

*      (pg 130)  Strength is what the world longs to experience from a man.  Now – isn’t it obvious that we don’t mean big muscles?

*      The strength of a man is first a soulish strength – a strength of heart.  And yes, as he lives it out, owns it, inhabits his strength, he does become more handsome.  More attractive.  As the fruit of an inner reality.

*      So then you can see that when we speak about the essence of a woman – her beauty – we don’t mean “the perfect figure.”  The beauty of a woman is first a soulish beauty.

*      The beauty of a woman is first a soulful beauty.  And yes, as we live it out, own it, inhabit our beauty, we do become more lovely.  More alluring.

*      Our true self becomes reflected in our appearance.  But it flows from the inside out.

The Essence of a Woman

*      The essence of a woman is Beauty.  She is meant to be the incarnation – our experience in human form – of a Captivating God.  A God who invites us.

*      (pg 131)  Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman.  We know that.  Somewhere down deep, we know it to be true.  Most of our shame comes from this knowing and feeling that we have failed here.  So listen to this: beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman.  It was given to her by God.  It was given to you.

*      All around us God’s creation shouts of his beauty and his goodness. 

*      God’s beauty is lavished on the world.

*      Beauty is powerful.  Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth.  Beauty speaks.  Beauty invites.  Beauty nourishes.  Beauty comforts.  Beauty inspires.  Beauty is transcendent.  Beauty draws us to God.

*      As Simone Weil wrote, “The beauty of the world is almost the only way by which we can allow God to penetrate us …Beauty captivates the senses in order to obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul…The soul’s inclination to love beauty is the trap God most frequently uses in order to win it.”

*      (pg 132)  God has given this Beauty to Eve, to every woman.  Beauty is core to a woman – who she is and what she longs to be – and one of the most glorious ways we bear the image of God in a broken and often ugly world.

*      Women are creatures of great mystery; not problems to be solved buy mysteries to be enjoyed.

*      Women want to impact their world for good.

*      …one of the key ways we influence our world is in making it a more beautiful place to live.

*      Beauty is the most essential and, yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. 

*      We want you to hear clearly that it is an essence every woman carries from the moment of her creation.  The only things standing in the way of our beauty are our doubts and fears, and the hiding and striving we fall to as a result.

Beauty Flows from a Heart at Rest

*      Janet is twenty-one. … Small and petite with a fabulous figure.  … And yet …when you’re with her, your heart does not rest.  Her beauty impresses, but it does not invite.  The reason is simple: She is striving.  She is a perfectionist.  Her beauty feels tenuous, shaky.  It is not flowing from her heart.  It’s almost as if it’s forced, from the outside, through discipline and fear.

*      (pg 133)  June is one of the most beautiful women we have ever met.  …  Her eyes sparkled when she laughed, which she did often, and her smile lit up the room…June was at rest with herself, at home in who she was. … Her spacious, beautiful soul invited others to come, to be, to taste and see that the Lord is good, whatever was happening in your life…  And June was about seventy-five years old.

*      What is the difference between these two women?  Rest.  June’s beauty flows from a heart at rest.

*      You see, beauty indwells every woman….

*      Usually it comes when she doesn’t know it, when she isn’t trying to make it come.  Rather, something is happening that allows her defenses to come down for a moment.  For instance, when someone is listening.  She knows that she matters.  Someone cares about her heart, wants to know her.  Her beauty emerges as if from behind a veil.

*      So the choice a woman makes is not to conjure beauty, but to let her defenses down.  To choose to set aside her normal means of survival and just let her heart show up.  Beauty comes with it.

*      (pg 134)  First, Peter is not saying that we shouldn’t enjoy wearing pretty things. What he’s trying to say is that true beauty comes from the inner part of us.  Our hearts.  A heart at rest.

*      In fact, instead of making me into someone else, he is making me more me.  And that is one of the beautiful things about him. That the more his we become, the more ourselves we become; more our true selves.

*      To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace.  Not a heart that is striving and restless.

*      A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. 

*      (pg 135)  She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that he finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in him, she is enough.  In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our striving.

*      A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of her trust.

*      She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well.

*      A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become.  In her presence, we can release the tension and pressure that so often grip our hearts.  We can also breathe in the truth that God loves us and he is good.

*      This is why we must keep asking.  Ask Jesus to show you your beauty.  Ask him what he thinks of you as a woman.  His words to us let us rest and unveil our beauty.

Beauty is Inviting

*      (pg 136)  Beauty beckons us.  Beauty invites us.  Come, explore, immerse yourself.  God – Beauty himself – invites us to know him.  “Taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps 34:8). 

*      He delights in alluring us and in revealing himself to those who wholeheartedly seek him. 

*      He wants to be known, to be explored.   

*      A woman does too.  She fears it, but below the fear is a longing to be known, to be seen as beautiful and enjoyed.  So the unveiled beauty of a woman entices and invites. 

*      The heart of the woman determines what it is she is inviting others to – to life or to death.

*      A woman who is striving invites others to strive.  The message – sometimes implicit in her actions, sometimes explicit through her words – is, “Get your act together.  Life is uncertain.  There is not time for your heart here.  Shape up.  Get busy.  That’s what is important.”

*      By contrast a woman whose heart is at rest invites others to rest.

*      We are invited to be ourselves.

*      (pg 137)  A woman who is hiding invites others to do the same.  “Don’t be vulnerable.  Hide yourself.”

*      A woman who makes herself vulnerable and available for intimacy invites others to do the same.

*      She says to the world, through her invitation to relationship, You are wanted here. We want to know you. Come in. Share yourself. Be enjoyed. Enjoy me as I share myself.

*      A woman who is controlling cannot invite others to rest, to be known.  They will feel controlled in her presence.  It won’t feel safe there.

*      A woman who is unveiling her beauty is inviting others to life.  She risks being vulnerable: exposing her true heart and inviting others to share theirs.  She is not demanding, but she is hopeful.

*      You see, ultimately, a woman invites us to know God.  To experience through her that God is merciful.  That he is tender and kind.  That God longs for us – to be known by us and to know us.  She invites us to experience that God is good, deep, lovely, alluring.  Captivating.

*      We know many of you are feeling, But I’m not there.  I’m not that kind of woman.  Here is where we “work out” our salvation as God works in us (Phil 2:12-13). 

*      (pg 138)  As you begin to live like this, you discover the places in your heart that still need the healing touch of Jesus.  That’s how it goes.  We don’t get to stay in hiding until we are whole; Jesus invites us to live as an inviting woman now, and find our healing along the way.

Offering Beauty

*      For a woman to unveil her beauty means she is offering her heart.  Not primarily her works or her usefulness (think Martha in the kitchen).  Offering her presence.

*      The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift.  To come – unguarded, undistracted – and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at that moment. 

*      When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus.  And we invite others to do the same.

*      (pg 139)  Beauty offers mercy.

*      A woman who is full of tender mercy and soft vulnerability is a powerful, lovely woman.

*      Beauty isn’t demanding.  Instead, it speaks from desire.

*      To offer your heart is to offer your desire – instead of your demand. 

*      Beauty offers desire.

Of Course it Feels Risky

*      (pg 140)  The scariest thing for a man is to offer his strength in situations where he doesn’t know if it will make any difference.  Or worse, that he will fail. 

*      Remember, a man’s deepest Question is, Do I have what it takes? Failure says, No.

*      A man’s basic sin is his choice to offer strength only in those situations where he knows things will go well. 

*      In the same way, the scariest thing for women is to offer our beauty into situations where we don’t know if it will make any difference.  Or worse, that we will be rejected.  For our Question is, Am I lovely?

*      (pg 141)  A woman doesn’t want to offer her beauty unless she is guaranteed that it will be well received.  But life offers no such guarantees.  We, too, must take risks.

*      Have you asked yourself how much you are motivated by fear? 

*      He loves it when we, gripped with doubt and fear that he will not be enough, turn the gaze of our souls to him in hope.  He loves to prove himself faithful and more than enough to satisfy our hungry souls. 

*      We can’t wait until we feel safe to love and invite.  In fact, if you feel a little scared, then you’re probably on the right path. 

*      Of course it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s naked.  God calls us to stop hiding, to stop dominating, to trust him, and to offer our true selves. 

*      He will give no guarantee that others will enjoy us and respond well.

*      (pg 142)  In fact, we can be sure that there will be times when they do not.

*      In those moments or seasons when that happens to us, God’s invitation is to bring our sorrow to him.  Not to shut down with, I’ll never try that again.  But to keep our hearts open and alive, and find refuge and healing in his love.

Letting Our Hearts be Deepened

*      As we increasingly become women of substance, women who offer true beauty, we find that our hearts grow in their capacity to love and be loved, to desire, to live. 

*      (pg 143)  Our hearts are enlarged by Jesus.

*      We do not always get what we want, but that doesn’t mean that we no longer want.  It means we stay awake to the unmet longing and ache.  Wait there.  Invite Jesus to come, there.

*      To possess true beauty we must be willing to suffer.

*      Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering.

*      By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return.  And by refusing to numb their pain in the myriad of ways available.  They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there.

*      Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit. 

*      We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow.  It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged.  The waiting does not diminish us.

*      God does not always rescue us out of a painful season.  You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it.

*      (pg 144)  But the experience of sorrow in no way diminishes the joy of living.  Rather, it enhances it.

Cultivating Beauty

*      Every woman possesses a captivating beauty.  Every woman. 

*      But for most of us it has been long buried, wounded, and captive.  It takes time for it to emerge into wholeness.  It needs to be cultivated, restored, set free.

*      How do we cultivate beauty?  How do we become ever more beautiful?  By tending to our hearts with great care, as a master gardener tends to her work.

*      (pg 145) Yes, life is harsh on a woman’s heart.  It has been hard on your heart.  The assault on our beauty is real. But Jesus is urging us now to care for ourselves, watch over our hearts (Pr. 4:23).

*      The world needs your beauty.  That is why you are here.  Your heart and your beauty are something to be treasured and nourished.  And it takes time.

*      Our hearts need to feed on beauty to sustain them.  We need times of solitude and silence.  We need times of refreshment and laughter and rest.  We need to listen to the voice of God in our hearts as he tells us what we need.

*      Often, Jesus will call us away to spend precious time alone with him. 

*      The Holy Spirit is our guide, our counselor, our comforter, our Great Friend, and he will lead us.  Abiding in Christ means paying attention to the voice of God within, nourishing our own hearts and nourishing our relationship with him.  Over time.

*      Contrary to what the world claims, Beauty does not diminish with time; Beauty deepens and increases.

*      (pg 146) Beauty such as hers is rare because it is a rare woman who chooses to keep her heart alive in this dangerous world.  Without striving.  Her heart was very much alive.  Present.  Open.  Alluring.  She had lived years in the presence of God, with the gaze of her heart fixed on him.

*      When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside.  This radiance stems from a heart that has had its deepest questions answered.  “Am I lovely?  Am I worth fighting for?  Have I been and will I continue to be romanced?”  When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful, quiet spirit settles in a woman’s heart.

*      Beauty is a quality of the soul that expresses itself in the visible world.  You can see it.  You can touch it.  You are drawn to it.  Beauty illuminates.

*      Beauty flows from a heart that is alive.

*      We are romanced. We are loved.  When we are at rest in that knowledge, we can offer our hearts to others and invite them to Life.

Faith, Hope, and Love

*      (pg 147) Unveiling our beauty really just means unveiling our feminine hearts.

*      It’s scary, for sure.  That is why it is our greatest expression of faith, because we are going to have to trust Jesus – really trust him. 

*      We’ll have to trust him that we have a beauty, that what he has said of us is true.  And we’ll have to trust him with how it goes when we offer it, because that is out of our control.  We’ll have to trust him when it hurts, and we’ll have to trust him when we are finally seen and enjoyed.  That’s why unveiling our beauty is how we live by faith.

*      Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of hope.  We hope that it will matter, that our beauty really does make a difference.  We hope there is a greater and higher Beauty, hope we are reflecting that Beauty, and hope it will triumph.  Our hope is that all is well because of Jesus and that all will be well because of him.  So we unveil beauty in hope.  And finally, we unveil beauty in the hope that Jesus is growing our beauty.

*      To offer beauty now is an expression of hope that it will be completed.

*      And unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world most needs from us.  When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love.  Jesus offers; he invites; he is present.  That is how he loves.  That is how we love – sincerely, as the Scripture says, “from the heart” (1Pet. 1:22).  Our focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts of others.

*      We offer Beauty so that their hearts might come alive, be healed, know God.  That is love.

~~~

How about you?

What kind of woman are you?

Do others experience the mercy of our loving God through you?

 (page 137)

Disclaimer:  I have not been compensated for anything in this post.